The day my life came crashing down...
Dear TomHa,
I should think that it is rather funny that I am writing this under one of those melodramatic Jay Chou songs, those kind that always gives you a tinge of sadness and the sense of inevitability that sad things are coming or rather, arrived...
Tommorrow is the release of A level results and I wish those who are receiving the best of luck as I perceived that however good they maybe in JC, they should need it. Anyway, if you guessed it right, it was my turn to receive it and golly my world came crashing down on me literally, and no, I am not one of those who would treat the clouds above as my blanket.. no.. I never was an optimist.
The day before began like any other post A's, pre Army days. Woke up early to cook my breakfast and lunch, packing it to bring to work in the Orchid Garden. Thoughts about me not making it and having to enroll for polytechnic filled my mind for the whole day. In fact, I had also thought up of what to say to my various affiliates, various reasons and excuses to bring myself out of the slime that might cover me should I fail badly. In fact, the day went so bad that I got scolded by the package department for cutting orchids that were so bad, they don't even qualify for housewives to bring home to pray, let alone export! I guessed the idea of doing really badly really got drilled in so deeply into my brain. In any case, the day still ended safely and soundly. Went home, eat dinner, surfed some net, lied down on bed doing nothing.
THE DAY arrived to my dismay. Took leave some weeks ago.. so no work for the day.. Woke up and I decided to go for a run. Did not run much, only 6km but it was such a humid weather that I was soaked through. I could still having to change my route because Swiss Cottage was having their cross country around Bukit Batok!!?? In any case, I was wearing the dragonboat singlet and the Hwa Chong shorts and a pair of asics shoes. My socks had holes near the toe region. I went home, had breakfast, read the papers(although nothing went in.) My mind was more blank than a blank sheet of paper. Time flew past, bathed and changed. Wore an adidas polo tee and diadora shorts and my very broken adidas tennis shoes. Went to Cute Chicken to have lunch and to meet Felix and I forgot who.. Should be Yewei and gang who happened to return from Orchard. Did not discussed much about A's, talked rubbish and nonsense as usual.
Went to school, sat at S60's class bench and talked nonsense, waiting for the rest of the canoeists to arrive to talk even more nonsense. Delai was wearing some John Little polo.. Very funny.. made some fun of him, then talked about army and what was it like inside.. Somehow, we were able to make everything we talked about funny... funny.. Then 1400 came, we were herded into the execution room in the guise of the Auditorium.. My relative some 500 years ago made speech, gave statistics, and congratulated the top achievers. Well and good. Sat beside Daming and he gave a comment like those who did not even get 3As' are really losers or something along the line.. Sweat started accummulating on my forehead in that frosty auditorium. Then we were herded to another site to get shot or be granted amnesty one by one.. Went to my Ct, Mr Tan to await my verdict. I was the first along the lines of suspects and I was the first to be shot.. so dead.. Became a 'loser' as Daming described. World came crashing down, and walked away... alone, seeking some peace and quiet.. alone.. to feel sad and pity... alone. I sat at the porch of the staff administrative building. Nobody walked past that place.. I was... alone. Calls flooded in and I rejected them one by one.. I was devoured by the darkness of my world and started analysing my results.. What I saw in the beginning did not change.. I was still a 'loser...'
Walked out.. dreams crashed.. hopes shattered.. Saw my two geography teachers and came to learnt that I was one of the 3 who did not get A in the whole level.. My abyss dug deeper.. It was one of those days to forget....