No Dream Too High, No Journey Too Tough??

Reading at High Altitude
Originally uploaded by Minas Morgul.

Dear TomHa,
Recently, I am going through a mini depression, economically and mentally and emotionally.

Economically, I really do not know where my money are all going to. I am like doing 20hours of tuition each week for this month and yet, money is like always flowing OUT of my bank account. I mean, given that I had not even get most of the things that I want and need and that I am even trying to save money by surviving on bread and lettuces and tomatoes and boiled chicken that I coped from the fridge every now and then, I seriously do not see why the outflow outweighs the inflow by THAT much. I serously am not going to achieve my savings aim by the end of my graduation. Freak.

Mentally, I am seriously shacked. All the mountaineering stuffs, all the marketing stuffs, all the media launch stuffs and all the schoolwork stuff. Next week is hell week. I have like 4 common tests, a media launch for my mountaineering team and to top it off, I still have a thousand word essay that I still have no idea what the question is. Leader is breathing down our necks for our Marketing and Media Launch. I don't blame him. I am sure he is way way more shacked than us. Sometimes I wonder is it is my problems with time management, but given that ever since semester started, other than a few hours of sleep each day, some time for eating and lecture time for my naps, I seriously do not see where the other time had gone to. Every free time I have is spent researching companies to call and email, and clearing email like I am some NSF clerk, or training, or tuitioning. Now, I even have to subcontract my mum to help me with my own household chores which I seemingly can't find the time for. Man, wake me up when semester ends...

Emotionally, I don't think I have to say much. It is Valentine's next week.

Another weekend, somehow, I no longer look forward to each day like when I was young anymore. Throw me into a jungle devoid of responsibilities but my own survival ba!

Part II of Chicken year lookback had been pushed further back...

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicken

Glacier Travel
Originally uploaded by Minas Morgul.

Dear TomHa,
As requested, I shall update my blog.
Well, how should I start? Feeling rather rusty from a few weeks of inactivity from the blogosphere. Oh well, let me start with the photo. My teammates had been saying that the photo is probably the best photo that I had ever taken throughout my New Zealand stint. I cannot agree more. I find the lighting, exposure all in good balance and most of all, it really shows some action as we tackle a slope that really took most of the juices out of me. However, I am sighing that I am not inside the photo. A photographer's plight, I guess.

Looking back, I realise that I had not reflected on the year 2005. Well, I should think that it is not too late for me to reflect on the year of the chicken instead. Well, the year of the chicken saw me going backto row for the NUS canoeing sprint team, albeit for a short stint. Seriously, I found myself to be slower than I was in HC. Perhaps it is because I had only paddled for a short period of like 3months before self-ejecting myself from the team? I am not sure, although I am quite sure that I had put in quite the same effort as I did in HC. Hmm.. perhaps I was right to have ejected myself from the team. It was time to move on and moved on, I really did.

I found a new passion. Perhaps it would be more apt to say that I rekindled a passion. A passion for the mountains, a passion for climbing. Since young, I had climbed lots of trees in rural Malaysia. Be it to pluck mangoes or just to climb up to relac one corner, I just loved the feeling of being 'up there'. Somehow, I lost that feeling somewhere in my growing up years. Not that I lost it completely though, as my years are punctuated with a lot of trips to Ophir and camping in Taman Negara in Pahang. Very cool stuff. I just enjoy the great outdoors, man, very serene feeling. Anyway, I rekindled this passion after my stint with tree climbing in June whereby it is more than just climbing to pluck mangoes. It was far more technical whereby the complexity of ropeworks never fail to amaze me. With a rekindled eye for adventure, I proceed to join a club that I would not regret for the rest of my life, although seriously, the expenses are astounding. Haha.

Joining this club exposed me to a lot of things. First thing first, I was compelled to look for sponsors. We found some, but it was not enough. Hence, we had to fork out money of our own to fuel our course in New Zealand. Shall not elaborate much, but the trip to New Zealand taught me a lot of things, not just the deluge of necessarry technical skills, but also a new perspective on life. You risk your life in high places of the Earth, and then you realise that actually, one should really take life easier. It would be a much happier life. You realised that whatever that you had been worrying about is nothing compared to cherishing whatever you have. Yes, I am no longer concerned about being the fastest, the strongest or whatever in the same line. I had reached zen. Haha. You'll realised how weak you are. That in the face of adversity, no matter how strong you are, you will break at some point. Be huumble and ask for help. It is only right.

Argh.. very tired.. go and sleep first. There will be a part 2..

Mera

Mera
Originally uploaded by Minas Morgul.

Dear TomHa,
So it has been confirmed. That the team will be climbing Mera Peak, 6646m this coming semester break. I have mixed feelings about this. Afterall, the peak that I had researched most and felt like we would have most chance to climb and feel proud of because of its difficulty is being rejected thoroughly by the seniors and the directors and in the end, voted out by the team. Mera Peak, though high, is not really technically difficult. I would not say taht Mera is chicken feet, in fact I would just shudder at the thought of going up so high. Altitude is your worst enemy. However, Mera is not technical, and as 1 senior fondly puts it, you should be able to summit it if you just keep going on, keep going on and on. Nothing too technical about it. Perhaps it is my lack of experience or what, I am not sure. This certainly felt like canoeing again and I hate that. You just keep on going, doing the same thing and hope that you do it well. Pretty no brainer if you are all trained properly. Oh well, let's see if I even get to go Nepal in the first place.

So, it is the third week of the semester already and boy do I feel tired every single day. Not to mention that I picked an awfully inappropriate time of getting hooked on the anime 'Bleach' in this period whereby 24hours per day is really not enough. Tired everyday, dragging my feet everyday, things got worse when you have to drag your feet and your mountaineering backpack laden with 15kg of rice and stuff, not counting my books for school. Damn it. This is tough, but what to do?

I hate teaching things that I hated learning. I mean, I had always hated learning in school except for some subjects, and now here I am, disciplining kids for not doing their homework. Darn, how hypocritical. In the end, I find that I am just another lucky guy who just had enough in him to grind out sufficiently good results that should ensure him a middle class living in the future.

I hate running. Yesterday's training sums it all up. I ran in a crappy time of like 25min for 5km??!! What the hell? I just feel so out of breath and unmotivated. I mean, I am not like some people who can run on and on for like eternity and yet can take some joy out of running. I don't. I run marathons because it was one of my before-21 resolutions. I run because it is mandatory in all the sports that I like. I mean, if you have to fight off negative thoughts like "I am going to die, I cannot make it, I am a pussy, Why am I running in the first place? You are a damn loser, and etc etc" during ALLyour runs, and you have to fight them off ALL the time, would you like running? I don't, but I have to do it.

Wah, what a piece of whiny essay. It appears that I am really getting on my years. Perhaps I should watch some more episodes of Bleach.

Chire!
Senbonzakura... Ouch.

Past

Missing Home
Originally uploaded by Minas Morgul.

Dear TomHa,
Yesterday, I went to watch RV's 50th anniversary cultural night which was coincidentally in NUS' UCC. Well, found the whole gig rather stale, JiaJun's solo also like no power, making me feel like he is conserving. He did not believe what I said, well, good luck to him. I had never used to appreciate dance and I don't think I did yesterday too. The all-girl item looked like some indian dance with balinese sarongs, while the all-duys one looked like a lot of coolies re-enacting what they do normally. It was not a really exciting performance to put it this way. I guess all the cultural groups tried too hard to play safe. Oh, ELDDS, like what they were in the past, put up something that I did not understand again. The whole play was pretty meaningless, I find, well, this coming from a constant E-lit failure. So, no hard feelings yeah?

Hence the only plus point of the show was meeting some good old friends and also, some good old teachers, not much on the teachers side though. I had not seen Chee Harn and Wee Seng since J2 and meeting them in the concert hall was just such a jovial occassion. Meeting Fiona (Jono GF) was good too, given that I kop some of her subway cookies from such a short impromptu meeting. Hope to see them more in the future. Ailin saw Huimin and brought her up, and boy, girls change a lot, especially RV girls after leaving the suppressive 'only short hair' school rule behind. Seriously, if I were to see her in the street, I couldn't possibly have recognised her. A lot other girls are the same. Gosh. I guess the only good thing or maybe a bad thing is that I remained the same, not much change, only that my hair is no longer bowl shape with a slit in the fringe as Yewei fondly describes it. Ha. Those were the days.

Time flies. I was in sec 4 when the school celebrated their 45th anniversary. And now, I joined them in their celebrations as an audience. Funnily enough, there were no Birthday Cakes. The launch was even more funny, with Tharman beating those chinese drums for so long, I doubt even Ms Ek knew when he should stop. Ha. Getting old. Just awaiting for CNY to drop by for a visit at the moment. Need a break. And it is only the first week of school and no tutorials yet.

日月双辉耀金喜！

Of Dreams

DSCF0481
Originally uploaded by Minas Morgul.

Dear TomHa,
You wake up, rub your eyes a little, roll up the curtains, grab your spectacles from the cupboard and whoala! A gigantic mountain greets you a very fine morning ahead. You turn to the other side, whoala! Another spectacular view awaits you. Mountains are about the most beautiful things that one can ever set sight on on this green green earth. I was lucky to have seen them, was lucky to have scaled them, was lucky that I was that lucky. However, 好景不常在, you get back to your home and then reality strikes you down hard, and fast. That's life.

Some people asked me why the heck do I want to risk life and limb to climb mountains. To challenge myself physically? Not quite. I am not like some of my canoeing team mates who enjoy torturing themselves. I hate running, I hate climbing stairs, I hate everything that I had done to my body at the expense of the comfort of sitting in front of the TV eating my favourite keropok. Yes, I am a weirdo and yet I do these things, to the extreme that I do them more than maybe others do. Am I making sense? I doubt so, but sometimes, in life, you just carry on doing something just because the momentum is there and you just cannot stop. It is like being stuck on a maths question and you just do not want to give up, wasting precious hours and papers and ink to find that in the end, you had just missed out on one freaking square root. Perhaps, again, I am the only one.

Back to the question again. Why mountaineering of all sports? Because I want to relive all that I had seen in my geography texts. Geography is about the single subject that I had taken and enjoyed thoroughly. Although I must concede that in the end, i am still rather weak in it, failing to recognise a serac or a morraine from topo maps or just the simple differentiation of cumulus and nimbus clouds. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't. No matter. geography is about the most beautiful subject that I had ever taken, and I want to experience the beauty first hand. The Kiwis are a lucky bunch of people.

I have so many things that I want to do, and seriously I am finding myself with a serious lack of time. I still have not complete my tour of South East Asia, having only went to Malaysia, Thailand, and Singapore, if you want to count that as well. Also, given that I don't really consider myself having toured Thailand completely, I still have so many more to go! I'll like to have a look at the Mekong, want to go to Indonesia to see their terraced plantations, go Brunei to see oil (Although a lot of people say I would get the chance once I go back to SAF), go to Cambodia to see lost ruins, go Vietnam for I cannot remember what, and also Myanmmar and Laos, and Philipines! To see their cliffs and what-nots. I live in a very colorful region, and that's something that I should feel lucky about, should I not? Interested in joining me?

I like Nepal, and I would try all in my calibre to get my feet on their soil, but somehow, whether I make it or not does not seem to matter anymore. I am already mountain-trained, as long as I revise with myself constantly, the skills will forever be there. Afterall, I do not think that plate tectonics will ever move faster than my lifetime to displace away those mountains.

So what's the point of this entry? As I ask myself everytime I finish writing an entry. Hmm.. dream big. When I watched LOTR, I told myself that I will go to NZ. Dream became reality and I am very happy. Dream big... Dream... I am tired... Yawns... Nights and Big Dreams!

Dear TomHa,
Haha, finally, I found my marathon photos. Whoosh... look at those muscles and sweat... Either I had sweated to that degree or I had drenched myself with some ice water to wake myself up. This is near the canoeing 1000m mark, ie under the Sheares Bridge. Recollecting... I was almost dying at that place, until some kind onlooker gave a bottle of very cold ice mountain. Drenched myself in it and all the way to 4hr 15min!! Must thank a camelbak uncle who encouraged me all the way from there although in the end, I was like an ingrate who sprint the last 200m, leaving him in my dust... Haha. He finished a minute behind me. Feeling rather guilty now, come to think of it.

Well, back to producing worksheets for the academically challenged!

Resolutions!

Dear TomHa,
In a twinkle of an eye, 2005 passed by. What does that mean? That we 1 year nearer to the day when the heat death of the universe comes, and that we should appreciate every glancing seconds as we approach the armageddon that would devour all of us in million of years time. Sorry, feeling rather unconscious now as I had not been sleeping enough ever since I came back from NZ. A little drowsy, guess it is just a matter of time before I go back to the sinful caffeine. Hope that does not come so soon.

So, with the new year already started, I guess some resolutions is in order, although I never ever really followed them to the dot. Firstly first, I really hope that I am able to get alphabets that are more appealing to the eye. Yes, when I first entered university, I had hoped for a first class honours, then after an examination, I only hope for a second upper, and after the second examination, I can only hope for a second lower, and now, I am still hoping for a second lower. I was rather surprised that I actually got an A for the module when I actually got a serious food poisoning symptoms in the morning, vomitting and shitting in every toilet that I pass by. And those modules that I come out thinking that 'Alamak, confirm A one' turned out to be B- grades. Life just likes to play jokes on you don't they? So, I am aiming for more spectacular results, not those kind of Dean's list results, but those slightly above average ones.

After my results, next comes my hope that I would make it into the team that would be embarking on the Himalayan expedition this coming long break in June. I mean, after my stint in NZ, I cannot help but keep thinking about the mountains everyday. I like climbing, I enjoy climbing and I am jolly well aware of the dangers involve. However, it is only when I was in the upper levels of the stratosphere that I began to breathe in the freshest of air, see the views that far and few had ever seen, and most importantly, experience whatever that my previous geography textbooks had taught me. I loved physical geography, and seeing them first hand is the best thing that can happen to me. Life is good in geographically interesting country. Can't Singapore lie closer to some fault lines or something like that? Although I would not want the worries of when the next earthquake or volcanic eruptions is coming next. Man are a bunch of greedy folk. Well, so what this means is that I must work harder in my trainings, work harder in my sponsorship appeals, work harder in my work literally. A life of few hours of sleep is again expected and I hope that I am able to survive that alive (the working part and the climbing part)

Given that these 2 resolutions is going to squeeze so much juice out of me, I am not going to mark out more resolutions, other than the fact that I would like to scale Kilimanjaro in Dec '06. This is still in the cards, shall not make too much plans for it. Shall work on my Nepal expedition first, although I really hope that this one can work out fine. More mountains, more forests, less urbanisation!

Alright, I hope that I am able to find a girlfriend or something to fill the void in my existence. Having a companion is never a bad thing I guess and I hope that I am able to influence some of my passion to her as I guess not everyone will label my life a life even though I am enjoying myself all the time. Sometimes, when the work gets too tough, just thinking that whatever that I am doing is actually fuelling my passion just keeps me going and feeling happy. I would call this a life. I mean, as long as you feel happy, I would say that you are a guy with full of life. Does not matter if you club a lot, read a lot, sleep a lot. As long as you enjoy whatever you are doing, you have a life. Nobody's life is pre-ordained to be like this like that. Isn't that what everybody had wanted in the first place? A little side tracked, no matter. Yar, try to be bold when it comes to matters of the heart Kheng Wee. I mean, after staring death in the face on the mountains, this should be piece of cake, isn't it? I hope I actually walk the talk.

Well, that is an awfully lot of things to achieve this coming 365 days! I hope I am able to pull thorugh all of them!

Happy New Year Everybody!

Of Self-discovery
Dear TomHa,
Kia Ora

I am back from NZ after some successful conquers of mountains along the Southern Alps of New Zealand. How am I feeling right now? I am not sure if there is any words that can describe this feeling. I am feeling extremely elated and yet I am feeling really disappointed that I am right smack in civilisation right now. However, man are a bunch of greedy folks and now, I am embracing the comforts of urban life, cursing the hassles that comes with it (refer bathing and keeping clean). Haha.

Oh yah, New Zealand. Well, New Zealand or Aotearoa (Land of the long white clouds in maori) is a country that is really blessed with gifts of Mother Nature that not many other country can rival. Well, perhaps it is due to the fact that we come from low-lying, geographically-boring Singapore where the mention of our highest peak being 164m never fails to bring astounded looks on those Kiwis' faces. The Southern Alps is just beautiful. I just cannot stop exclaiming. So, over here, I shall chronicle my trip to New Zealand and back, starting and ending with mishaps that kept occurring in Singapore's very own, Changi international Airport.

After saying goodbye to my family, I proceeded to have my passport checked and make my way to the boarding gate. Really simple process that never fails to turn complicated in my hands. Somehow, as it still remain a mystery until now, my boarding pass made its way to Faizhal's bag and blimey, I was freaking stunned when I couldn't find it anywhere on me. Team mates said that my face then had turned so pale, they thought I sudden;y died or something. Trust me, with the amount of money spent on the tickets, I sweared I would have had a heart seizure next had not been for the boarding pass dropping off Faizhal's bag and catching Sau Yee's attention. Alas it is found and I can make my way to take the plane. Phew!

10h flight is not funny and fun. It is about the most boring thing that you can do. Watched the plane's movies, Must Love Dogs, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Dukes of the Hazzard. The first one was a romantic comedy that was kinda nice. I fell asleep on the second one, and the third is just a stupid movie that I happened to have watched before in a Singapore theater on my birthday. Could not have a good sleep as all of those sleeps are just 20 min naps. Very frustrating. The return flight was the same. I hate aeroplanes.


So after transit in Auckland, we took another flight to Christchurch which would be where we would be for the next couple of days. Stayed at some backpackers lodging. Lots of gear shopping and my, Christchurch is such a boring city. We could not find things special to keep ourselves entertained. Lucky for us, we only had to stay there for 2 days. I cannot imagine having to stay there for another couple more days. Mount Cook Village next.

Stayed at Unwin Lodge where we met our guides. Unwin lodge is a hut that is situated right smack in front of mountains. You wake up in the morning, rub your eyes a little turn your heads around the corner and look through the window and there you are, a mountain right in front of you and you feel just so zen. Very picturesque. Makes you feel like everything that you had fret about in the past are rubbish. I was just lucky to be there.

Met our guides and the journey began! Mount Cook Village is already at 800m above sea level, so we started rather high. Not very high though. We had to go to Kelman's hut, which would become some sort of our base camp plus all the luxuries of a bed and tables. Kelman's hut is at 2460m. Long journey but nothing much happened, which is a good thing. Kelman Hut became a major camp for us as we often make a summit push or do some other snow experience-thing and then retreat to the comfort of a good shelter. Temperatures above the snow line is amazingly cold. However, as we kept moving, our gore-tex and fleece managed to keep us warm and to think of it, I was sweating at some points, which is an incredible thing since the temperatures are so cold and the humidity is so low. Nights were the worst. You feel cold and wet and even the warmest down jacket doesn't really keep you THAT warm enough. Can die. My fingers and toes still felt a little numb. Must have been a little frost nipped. Common injury. Staple food up there is expired bread and peanut butter and ham. Spaghetti is a luxury and so is meat. Mountain life is about suffering, and the sadist in me likes that. Ha.

Snow cave living is one of the interesting highlights of the trip. Building one highlights it even brighter! However, somehow, our snow cave looked more like an ice kachang with a scoop of ice cream on top. Dang! no matter. On the mountains, nothing is a certainty. As long as it works and is safe, it is ok. Risk Assessment. The skill that all mountaineers must possess if they wanna stay alive to tell the story.


We summitted 2 mountains. Mount Aylmer and Mount Sebastapool. Mount Sebastapool is something like a recreational climb as it is below the snow line and is rather low, at 1490m. Aylmer almost killed me. In case I had forgotten to introduce, the first picture you see in this entry is Aylmer. It had really narrow ridge line and frankly, given that the snow then was rather soft, I was cursing about the guides' decisions for us to wear crampons, spiky things that you wear under your boots to walk on ice properly. The summit push was ok. The guides built really strong anchors and guide lines that we were able to follow with relative ease. However, it was perpetually whiteout conditions at that time,

I could only barely make out where my rope up buddy was. It was in effect, a rather traumatising experience. No matter. as I made my way down, I stepped on some snow which collapsed and I fell. It was a 1000m drop and boy was I glad that the anchors held. From then on, it was all ice axe and crampons and again, I am grateful that I had worn my crampons. If not for them and my ice axe, who knows, I might not be telling the story today. A really frightening experience although I kinda felt more like "Woohoo! here I go!" sort of thing then. Guess I was too confident of my ability. Must really remember that man are nothing in the eyes of MN.

Shan't blog more, rather lazy to do so. I got enough in my travel journal to last me a lifetime. Shall tell when I see you. Hence, here is a night view of the Southern Alps (yes it looked more like sunrise. Guess I had adjusted too slow a shutter speed already.).

And this is me.